I was full of worry about things near and far, present and future, and full of disappointment by people, by life.
I got myself going regardless, got on my bike, cycled 15 miles, and still felt awful.
But, having arrived, I experienced yet again what Jasper does for me. There’s something about being with horses that never, ever fails to bring me such peace.
When I’m riding, I marvel at my willingness to trust (most of the time) in my partnership with a prey animal who has a finely tuned danger radar, lightening quick response time, and my life in his hands.
I am amazed by my ability to influence what he chooses to do with his 600kg mass: contrasting my complete inability to control him physically with my ability (most of the time) to determine his actions through absolutely focused, purposeful, consistent and determined communication of my wishes. Communication using cues that are so subtle to me that if I try to notice how I’m doing it I usually fail to maintain them: the energy which I project, the locking of a muscle, a tiny shift of weight, the angle of my gaze.
I don’t think I was really aware of my body before I started needing to use all of it to communicate with my horse.
Jasper looks to me to provide the leadership that, as a herd animal, he is always looking for. The moment I fail to convince him that I’m on it, in control and taking care of things for him is the moment he feels he needs to step into the leadership breach and look out for himself (which usually doesn’t go so well).
He’s done wonders for my situational awareness: my ability to spot anything out of place or unexpected, to predict sudden movements and be ready to reassure as he dances on his toes snorting histrionically at a bin that has the audacity to be situated somewhere other than where it usually resides.
Horses are such highly sensitive, feeling-oriented animals, with an incredible ability to detect and read emotions (there’s amazing research on this). This is necessary for their safety: herd members need to be constantly attuned to each other’s experiences to detect and respond to fear triggered by any one of them.
For humans, this means that every time you interact with a horse, your emotional state will profoundly affect how the horse will respond to you. And this means that a positive partnership with a horse requires not only self awareness (what am I feeling?) but also the ability to manage your personal energy (can I control my emotions?).
I consciously check in with myself before I approach Jasper - when I’ve dashed to the yard late, stressed, tired - and I consciously let go what I can. But it melts away anyway, every time. I can spend hours with him totally absorbed in the moment, wholly present in myself and in the moment in a way which is both so alien to me and yet so very welcome.
Equine assisted therapy has been used to help veterans manage post-traumatic stress, cancer patients manage pain, and mental health patients manage life.
I’ve owned Jasper for eight months today. He helps me manage everything.